Reasons I Wish I Could Be Marianne Faithfull:

1. She dated Mick Jagger.
2. She began dating him only after sleeping with him and two other Stones (Keith and Brian). Being able to swing that is pretty badass.
3. Her voice. It is equally as gorgeous nowadays, with its deep and husky sound, as it did when she sang lighter and folksier when she was first starting out.
4. Bob Dylan once wrote a poem for her in order to impress her, but she turned him down. Marianne is cool enough to not want to have sex with Bob Dylan.
5. Not only an incredible singer, but Marianne is also an awesome actress who was in one of my favorite over-the-top beautiful films “Marie Antoinette.”
6. Today, she is just as beautiful as she was forty years ago. Not beautiful in that nipped/tucked, trimmed and pinned way that some older women are, but she looks beautiful at the age she is. Perhaps the definition of aging gracefully.
7. Related to the guy who created the word ‘masochism.’ Dirty.
8. She has been best friends with my other role model Anita Pallenberg for over forty years. Anita & Marianne = BIFFLES FOR LIFE!
9. She could rock a fur rug like no other.
10. Her autobiography, “Faithfull,” is seriously one of the best I’ve read. She has a great dry sense of humor and doesn’t romanticize her life growing up. And honestly who else could end their life’s story with cooking tips?

Reasons I’m A Little Bit Glad I’m not:

1. The hepatitis C. I wouldn’t like having anything in common with Pam Anderson.
2. The homelessness. I freak out when I’m relegated to the pullout couch when on vacations.
3. Attending an all-girls school and having a Catholic upbringing, which I already do. But Marianne attended school in the fifties, which I imagine to be much worse than it is nowadays. Today I’d like to think of the nuns as being somewhat liberated. Those nuns back in the fifties could beat your forehead with a ruler and call it their daily lesson plan.
4. The drug addictions. I have seen the effects that cocaine and heroin has had on former friends, and I doubt that I would ever be able to pull through and recover.
5. Having people believe rumors that Mick Jagger ate a Mars Bar from your lady bits. C’mon, at least be a Milky Way, the candy bar of the social elite.
6. Having a child at eighteen. That would be me having a baby… like right now. I wouldn’t be able to handle that. I am too ill-equipped to like even conceive of having sex with people, let alone produce their spawn.